50-something Moms Blog

Just in case

Just.  In.  Case.

Possibly the 3 words most often used by mothers.

Possibly the 3 words their kids least want to hear.

Recently my son  was packing up for a college semester abroad.   According to airline regulations,  his suitcase can’t weigh over 50 pounds—which forces him to weigh priorities.

So he makes a colossal mistake and asks me if I would help him organize for Buenos Aires.

Daniel is thinking shopping: i.e.  how many pairs of shoes to bring vs.  how many he will buy.

I have a different agenda.   For me this is an opportunity to open a line of conversation Daniel will wish never started…..that ends with a trip to Target and a call to a doctor and an addition to his luggage—– an emergency medical kit that I  insist suggest Daniel assemble—-containing everything anyone could possibly need from A (Afrin nasal spray) ….to Z (Zithromax Z- pack for a full course of antibiotics).

As a good son, he’s a good sport, though he refused a few of my suggestions.  Like— I thought it wouldn’t hurt to bring along an inhaler—although statistically there’s very little likelihood he would have an asthma attack —since he doesn’t have asthma.

I'm Losing Touch with Friends and Family. Thanks, Facebook.

Facebook changes. Often and nonsensically. It's all about revenue no matter what Mark Zuckerberg says. I didn't mind when Zuckerberg decided that Facebook should be more like Twitter. I loved the "real-time" feel. It really helped me keep current with my writer/blogger friends who are as glued to the keyboard as I am most days. 

I even struck up a friendship, as opposed to just a "being related", with my eldest cousin due to the immediacy of the feed. He and I are about sixteen or so years apart in age. He was nearly grown when I was barely in preschool, so we didn't really know each other before we "friended" each other on Facebook. 

It might seem a little thing, and an odd one to people grounded in the face to face world, but I love being able to connect with people through words on a virtual page. It reminds me of bygone days when I wrote letters and received them. Weren't those days wonderful?

But Zuckerberg, in his quest for IPO status, can't seem to ever leave well enough alone on Facebook. His latest tweaking of the feed has rendered it all but useless for people who use it to keep up with ... anyone or anything. No longer does it keep up in real time, but supplies only the "top news" according to what the technogeeks at Facebook think is relevant to me. As a result, I am left out of the loop with no recourse for redirecting my homepage to the people who are REALLY important to me. I haven't seen a current status update on my cousin, or my two step-daughters since the feed thingy switched over.

Facebook is sucking donkey balls any more, in my opinion.

Ebooks for Students, Please!

When my kids were younger, I hated seeing them lug their heavy backpacks full of books to and from school. Once they were in college, I couldn't believe how expensive the books were. There is such a simple solution to both of these problems - ebooks.

There are so many benefits to students using ebook readers with electronic textbooks. Obviously a major benefit is that they would only have to carry this one item instead of books for every subject. And, the cost of the books would be reduced. However, those are not the only advantages of ebook use in school.

Ebook readers that have Internet access, which they all will have  eventually, will enable students to easily look up word definitions and research topics from the text with just a click of the mouse. With school age children growing up using computers, think how much better they might take to their studies if it is in the digital form they are used to.

Alcohol, Pot and Our Kids: How Much Have They learned from Us?

Recent studies found that drinking and smoking pot is on the rise again among teenagers after a decline of nearly a decade. The annual survey conducted by The Partnership for a Drug-Free America found that the number of teens from grade 9 to grade 12 who reported using alcohol in the previous month had risen 11% to a total of 39% of teens or 6.5 million, and 25% of teens admitted to marijuana use, up from 19% in 2008. 

The study also discovered that the use of Ecstasy had risen from 4% to 6%.

Perhaps many adults will not find this alarming. I don't know how many friends, family and acquaintances I have who personally recount fondly their own drinking and pot smoking youths - though out of earshot of their teens. I don't buy into the theory of "gateway" drugs, the idea that alcohol and pot smoking will inevitably lead to experimentation and/or addiction to substances like cocaine or heroin, but I am fairly certain that the idea of "getting high" as an innocuous teen rite of passage isn't one of the better parenting theories out there.

And, I am also of the belief that our children learn about mood altering substances from us - their parents - well before that friend inevitably shows up with a joint or a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry wine.

The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman - A SV Moms Group Book Club

Does your child have an imaginary friend? What would you do if you thought - or knew - your child's imaginary friend had a bit too strong of a hold on her? Jet off to Belize in search of Mayan healers to banish the friend? What a story this is. And a real life one too. Join us today as we discuss The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman.

Hope has also graciously done a Q&A with the SV Moms Group bloggers. Read the Q&A here.

• Lori from New Jersey Moms Blog leads us off as she is parenting by feel
• Florinda from The 3 R's Blog: Reading, 'Riting, and Randomness has a perception of danger and possibility
• Marianne from Writer-Mommy thinks its hard to be three
• Cristie's from The Traveling Circus eyes were opened by this faith journey
• Jennifer from Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology examines believing in the unknown
• Darryle from I never signed up for this... starts to talk about her own journey with a healer for cancer
• Michelle from Wife and Mommy asks what wouldn't I do?
• Lisa from blog on the wall is keeping faith
• Kristine from Mommy Needs Therapy or a Bottle of Wine wishes for magic
• Lisa from Hannemaniacs says bring on the bush doctor
• Cindy Fey from We All Fall Down knows she need to let her daughter be who she is without projecting her fears on her
• Michele Spring Fajeau Read Out Loud discusses faith, hope and healing
• Jessica from It's my life... thinks about the lengths mothers will go to help their children
• Nicole from Not Just a Working Mom related to feeling like a single mom sometimes
• Amy's from Occupation Mommy daughter's imaginary friend is named Sally
• Meghan from Meg's Idle Chatter has a mother's instinct
• Jessica from This Mom Rocks It talks about the art of parenting
• Linsey from Me Too You asks if twins need an imaginary friend?
• Heidi from Coast to Coast Mom is a workweek widow

New Jersey Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please go here to join in the discussion.

Past SV Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex by Kristen Chase
• Coco Chanel & Igr Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh
• See Mom Run by Beth Feldman
• Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done
• This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
• Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
• Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
• What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
  
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
  
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the SV Moms Group Book Club.

Physicians Also Need Reform

Like many, I have followed the on-going health care debates closely. I fall on the side of universal coverage for all. I cringe, every December, when my husband brings home the specifics of his company's health care coverage for the next year. Small families are discriminated against. As a family of three, we pay more for coverage than say a single parent with five children.

This year we had the option of paying the same amount for less coverage or maintaining 2009 coverage for a mere 30% increase. We opted for the same cost with less coverage and higher deductibles. We are praying no emergencies require us to meet that higher deductible.

The Second Trip of a Lifetime

It's hard to get my head around the fact that after planning for almost a year, my family and I are just weeks away from our second trip of a lifetime.  The first, of course, was when we traveled to China in 2001 to bring home our daughter.  Now, in just a matter of weeks, we'll be returning for the first time in nine years so we can visit PunditGirl's birth country with her (thank you airline miles!)

It feels like yesterday and it feels like it's been a lifetime since we stepped off the plane at National Airport, our lives changed by a baby who spent the first year of her life in an orphanage with about 100 other children and about eight caregivers. We've talked for many years, as our PunditBaby grew into a PunditGirl, about the amazing things we saw and experienced in January of 2001 when we brought our daughter home from Hunan Province. 

Now we're busy finishing up our final preparations -- getting our visas, buying a snazzy new polka-dot suitcase for her, and thinking about how much rice (her favorite food in the whole world) she'll be able to eat while we're there.

And I've promised myself, I am buying that Mao watch this time! 

Wake Me Up When Adolescence is Over

"She's such a good baby," my friends and colleagues ooh-ed when my daughter was an infant.

She seemed to know when my maternity leave was about to end, because at just that point she began sleeping through the night.She didn't cry much, and when she did, it was kind of cute. And as soon as she learned to smile, it was apparent that this little girl was born with a good sense of humor.

She was so... easy. And this scared me to tears, because "easy" is not a word most people use to describe raising a child.

I braced myself for the terrible twos -- which weren't so terrible. My daughter was a delight as a toddler and through elementary school and even during the first years of middle school.

Nine Years Later

A significant day in the life of my family has come and gone this week. No one really noticed it. At least no one paused to mention it or bring it up at the family dinner table. It came to mind for me today while I was doing the usual brain inventory to distract me from my 4 mile run this afternoon. I clear out and sort through my thoughts so I don't focus on the fact that my knees are aching just a little more than usual or that my breathing is a little too ragged. It was just as I ran past the 2 mile marker that I suddenly remembered, oh my god, nine years ago Tuesday was that day! How could I possibly forget that day?

What kind of mother am I to forget that day, the day that my child almost died?

The Stranger

My home town - Los Angeles - does not have a reputation for friendliness.

I think this has more to do with geography than anything else. Our city came of age with the automobile. Yes, we have public transportation, but it is more trouble than it's worth in my far flung suburban neighborhood... and so we rely on our cars to get where we have to be.

That's one reason why we don't have a lot of pedestrian traffic -- and consequently, there are few opportunities for folks to interact in public. We are self-contained in our own little automobile pods and tend to socialize only with the people we already know.

My teenage daughter was a baby when we moved into our home, so we've lived on our street for a long, long time. You would think I'd know my neighbors.

You would be wrong. 

I do have a cordial relationship with the older couple living to the left of us, and the nice widow who lives to our right. But I've never met any of the families who live beyond our immediate next door neighbors. How could I? The only times I see them are when I drive past their homes... and notice that they're either getting in or out of their cars, too.

The Right to Motherhood by Any Means Necessary

Infertility specialists in the U.S. are lobbying for inclusion of assisted reproduction benefits in the health care reform play. They point to the fact that even multiple rounds of invitro fertilization (IVF) cost less than caring for premature infants that arise from cash-strapped couples engaging in dangerous practices to achieve pregnancy to save money.  Three rounds of IVF at $10,000 each is a bargain when the care of one premature infant runs approximately $200,000 from delivery to homecoming.

In Canada, the province of Quebec already covers all assisted reproduction, including IVF for all women up to age 42. Ontario is now being lobbied to include infertility treatments on the grounds that parenthood is the right of every person.

We have the right to motherhood, even it threatens to bankrupt healthcare for all.

I don't agree.

Left to Our Own Devices

Look at where we have found ourselves. Smack on the road to the second decade of the millenium and we have all become hopelessly dependent. Not on our spouses, employers or parents. Not even on our friends and families. We are now tethered to those delicious little devices and networks that were invented to help us...

simplify.

If only! 

Blackberries, iphones, droids, laptops, linkedin, facebook, twitter, youtube, now foursquare; all the makings of a handheld world. We have been given the 'gift' of the ability to leave the house, the office, the country for goodness sake and still be able to stay connected with our jobs and our families. 

Gone are the days that you have to sit at your desk to do your job. Gone also are the days when a working mother has to leave the house with that awful pit in her stomach worrying that her caregiver and kids can't reach her at any given moment.

Ok, that is the upside. But what happens when you hit the dreaded... dead zone! I personally have lived with iphone envy for years because I live in an area where AT&T is simply not an option. 

Parting words

No cell phone.  No email.  No credit card.  No itinerary.

That’s how I went to Europe with a couple girlfriends the summer I was 19.     I had a suitcase, a Eurail pass, and a vague idea of where we were going.   The plans changed daily;  Air France lost my suitcase;  at least I hung onto the Eurail pass.

The only way to communicate with me was to send a letter to an American Express office in a city we might hit at some point.

My mother had just died of cancer the year before….my father, still grieving, didn’t hesitate to give his blessing (and money) for my trip.

I called home once.    I had planned to stay in Europe all summer,  but decided to add a week in Israel.   This wasn’t part of the deal, and I wanted my dad’ s okay.    And I needed it quickly, I told him from the phone in Rome’s airport,  because  “the flight is already boarding.”

He told that story for years.

A Hero of Super-Sized Double McTwist 1260 Proportions

While watching Shaun White "super sized Double McTwist 1260" his way to his second Olympic gold medal in the half-pipe, my 17 year old daughter, turned to me and announced, "I'm going to marry him some day. Just wanted to let you know now, Mom."

"Okay!", I approved.

Why wouldn't I? Her fantasy husband is a far-cry better than her big sister's choice six years ago when she told me that someday I would be the mother-in-law of Marshall Mathers. Who? Eminem? Yes, Eminem. She soon gave up on that one, thank goodness. Yes, Shaun White is, for me, a better choice.