50-something Moms Blog

Click: It's Mommy Time(s)

This is not about mommy taking off time -- for herself. This is about mommy taking on Times -- the New York Times -- after its recent controversial article about mommy bloggers..

Mommy bloggers who felt the article was condescending and insulting are making their cases in the modern version of the town hall meeting.

Mommy is mad as hell and she's not going to take it anymore.

 Though I don't know how many mommy bloggers would say they are feminists -- to me, this battle feels familiar.  Or maybe there's something about the New York Times as the voice of authority that pushes women's buttons.

Mommy's March Madness

I am not going to pretend that I am one of these moms that is up to speed on college basketball. I have surely spent my share of hours on the side of the court when my kids played, and I understand the game (I am not that lame). However, by osmosis, I do sort of get caught up in the wave of March Madness living with my husband and kids. My daughter attends a Big 10 school and my son will be attending the very same school in the fall (yeh, I know, two in the same place – I will be in heaven). 

This week I went to lunch with a considerably younger client. Ok, her kids are 3 and 5 and she is pregnant and my kids are 17 and turning 21. Maybe she is a little more than considerably younger than I am. 

Nonetheless, she is a Syracuse grad and I don't believe you are allowed to enter the real world from that school without taking the oath to bleed orange for the rest of your life. She was all but bursting out of her maternity bra over the excitement of the impending college basketball frenzy.

Being the lovely and inclusive woman that she is, she works very hard at making her virtual team always feel as if we are part of her work family. We are invited to holiday parties, share in the kind of camaraderie you would with co-workers in an office and in turn, we have been invited to join in the March Madness office pool. Very nice, right?

Separation Anxiety

I remember my daughter's first day of preschool as if it was yesterday. The moment I tried to leave the classroom, she clung onto me and started to cry.

"Don't worry. It's just separation anxiety," her teacher reassured me. And in a very short time, those weepy, clingy episodes came to an end...

...until now. Ten years have passed and the urge to cling is back.

Only this time, I'm the one who can't let go.

My baby girl is embarking on an eighth grade field trip this month to Washington, DC. She'll be boarding a plane and traveling 2,685 miles without me. And she can't wait.

The census wants to shrink my family.

I have a husband and three kids. That makes us a family of five. Or so I thought.

Even when my older son left for college in the fall, I continued to think of myself having a family of five. I completely freaked out when I came home one day soon after my son’s departure to find that my husband had taken a leaf out of the dining room table and moved a chair off to the side; that leaf and chair went back immediately, and it remains there today. I need to see five chairs at the table or it looks weird.

When I buy little treats for the kids, I still buy three. One may have to be delivered by the mailman, but my college kid is not getting left out. I tried just buying two of something recently, I couldn’t do it; I left the cart in line and went back for a third.

But today the census form arrived. And right there, just a few lines down after the start arrow, it states bluntly, “Do not count anyone living away at college. Leave these people off your form, even if they will return to live here after they leave college.”

Is it Time to Stop Supporting My Alma Mater?

I'm angry with my college alma mater. Just when I was beginning to feel that the regional university was gaining national recognition, the president resigned. The president of less than four years was the university's first female. It appears there were differences with the chancellor and the board of regents.

When I attended college in the seventies, the University of North Texas was a college of approximately 17,000 students. It was the perfect place for me. It was 45 minutes from home. Far enough away to live in a residence hall, but close enough to go home on the weekends.

In the state of Texas, UNT has never been in the same league with the well-known University of Texas or Texas A&M. A lot of it had to do with athletics, and some of it to research dollars. I was always miffed that local Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex vendors, selling college memorabilia, seldom sold items from UNT even though it was just down the road.

But in 2006, when the university appointed Dr. Gretchen Batialle, everything changed. Every quarter when I read the alumni magazine, I commented to my spouse how impressive the current president was. A mover and a shaker. Enrollment soared to over 35,000 students attracting more transfer students than any other college in Texas. Green buildings were constructed, new degree programs developed, scholarship funding increased, and amazing interdisciplinary programs were being created.

The Real Stuff

Okay, fellow bloggers, here's a question for you:  How do you write about The Real Stuff?

Not the cute stuff. Not the interesting stuff. Not even the challenging stuff. But the Real Stuff. The tough stuff.  The stuff that eats at you and keeps you awake at night.

How do you write about The Real Stuff about the people who are in your lives right now?  Not the real stuff about your dad whom you haven't seen in 15 years. Not the real stuff about your hostile brother who finally made amends with you.  Not even the real stuff about your dead husband and your sometimes grief-driven world.  But the real stuff about the people you care most about in your lives, who are IN your lives?

Welcome to my World

Don't be jealous but I am married to the best husband and father in the world! Sure, some might disagree but I have to say that I have truly hit the jackpot when it comes to this man of mine. Over the last twenty-seven years of marriage, he has stepped up and risen to the occasion of spousal and parental greatness in my eyes. He has never shied away from a diaper change with any of our five children or our grandchild. He willingly steps in and shares with me this juggling act of orthodontist visits, shuttling one kid to tae kwon do en route to picking up another from after school tutoring to get home just in time to get a call from the other kid who has managed to lock her keys in her car...again...and so on and so on because that is what life raising five children at all ages and stages is about. He appreciates that, yes, doing the dishes can be foreplay...which might explain why my kitchen is so clean.

Yup! I'm the lucky one!

Just in case

Just.  In.  Case.

Possibly the 3 words most often used by mothers.

Possibly the 3 words their kids least want to hear.

Recently my son  was packing up for a college semester abroad.   According to airline regulations,  his suitcase can’t weigh over 50 pounds—which forces him to weigh priorities.

So he makes a colossal mistake and asks me if I would help him organize for Buenos Aires.

Daniel is thinking shopping: i.e.  how many pairs of shoes to bring vs.  how many he will buy.

I have a different agenda.   For me this is an opportunity to open a line of conversation Daniel will wish never started…..that ends with a trip to Target and a call to a doctor and an addition to his luggage—– an emergency medical kit that I  insist suggest Daniel assemble—-containing everything anyone could possibly need from A (Afrin nasal spray) ….to Z (Zithromax Z- pack for a full course of antibiotics).

As a good son, he’s a good sport, though he refused a few of my suggestions.  Like— I thought it wouldn’t hurt to bring along an inhaler—although statistically there’s very little likelihood he would have an asthma attack —since he doesn’t have asthma.

I'm Losing Touch with Friends and Family. Thanks, Facebook.

Facebook changes. Often and nonsensically. It's all about revenue no matter what Mark Zuckerberg says. I didn't mind when Zuckerberg decided that Facebook should be more like Twitter. I loved the "real-time" feel. It really helped me keep current with my writer/blogger friends who are as glued to the keyboard as I am most days. 

I even struck up a friendship, as opposed to just a "being related", with my eldest cousin due to the immediacy of the feed. He and I are about sixteen or so years apart in age. He was nearly grown when I was barely in preschool, so we didn't really know each other before we "friended" each other on Facebook. 

It might seem a little thing, and an odd one to people grounded in the face to face world, but I love being able to connect with people through words on a virtual page. It reminds me of bygone days when I wrote letters and received them. Weren't those days wonderful?

But Zuckerberg, in his quest for IPO status, can't seem to ever leave well enough alone on Facebook. His latest tweaking of the feed has rendered it all but useless for people who use it to keep up with ... anyone or anything. No longer does it keep up in real time, but supplies only the "top news" according to what the technogeeks at Facebook think is relevant to me. As a result, I am left out of the loop with no recourse for redirecting my homepage to the people who are REALLY important to me. I haven't seen a current status update on my cousin, or my two step-daughters since the feed thingy switched over.

Facebook is sucking donkey balls any more, in my opinion.

Ebooks for Students, Please!

When my kids were younger, I hated seeing them lug their heavy backpacks full of books to and from school. Once they were in college, I couldn't believe how expensive the books were. There is such a simple solution to both of these problems - ebooks.

There are so many benefits to students using ebook readers with electronic textbooks. Obviously a major benefit is that they would only have to carry this one item instead of books for every subject. And, the cost of the books would be reduced. However, those are not the only advantages of ebook use in school.

Ebook readers that have Internet access, which they all will have  eventually, will enable students to easily look up word definitions and research topics from the text with just a click of the mouse. With school age children growing up using computers, think how much better they might take to their studies if it is in the digital form they are used to.

Alcohol, Pot and Our Kids: How Much Have They learned from Us?

Recent studies found that drinking and smoking pot is on the rise again among teenagers after a decline of nearly a decade. The annual survey conducted by The Partnership for a Drug-Free America found that the number of teens from grade 9 to grade 12 who reported using alcohol in the previous month had risen 11% to a total of 39% of teens or 6.5 million, and 25% of teens admitted to marijuana use, up from 19% in 2008. 

The study also discovered that the use of Ecstasy had risen from 4% to 6%.

Perhaps many adults will not find this alarming. I don't know how many friends, family and acquaintances I have who personally recount fondly their own drinking and pot smoking youths - though out of earshot of their teens. I don't buy into the theory of "gateway" drugs, the idea that alcohol and pot smoking will inevitably lead to experimentation and/or addiction to substances like cocaine or heroin, but I am fairly certain that the idea of "getting high" as an innocuous teen rite of passage isn't one of the better parenting theories out there.

And, I am also of the belief that our children learn about mood altering substances from us - their parents - well before that friend inevitably shows up with a joint or a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry wine.

The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman - A SV Moms Group Book Club

Does your child have an imaginary friend? What would you do if you thought - or knew - your child's imaginary friend had a bit too strong of a hold on her? Jet off to Belize in search of Mayan healers to banish the friend? What a story this is. And a real life one too. Join us today as we discuss The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman.

Hope has also graciously done a Q&A with the SV Moms Group bloggers. Read the Q&A here.

• Lori from New Jersey Moms Blog leads us off as she is parenting by feel
• Florinda from The 3 R's Blog: Reading, 'Riting, and Randomness has a perception of danger and possibility
• Marianne from Writer-Mommy thinks its hard to be three
• Cristie's from The Traveling Circus eyes were opened by this faith journey
• Jennifer from Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology examines believing in the unknown
• Darryle from I never signed up for this... starts to talk about her own journey with a healer for cancer
• Michelle from Wife and Mommy asks what wouldn't I do?
• Lisa from blog on the wall is keeping faith
• Kristine from Mommy Needs Therapy or a Bottle of Wine wishes for magic
• Lisa from Hannemaniacs says bring on the bush doctor
• Cindy Fey from We All Fall Down knows she need to let her daughter be who she is without projecting her fears on her
• Michele Spring Fajeau Read Out Loud discusses faith, hope and healing
• Jessica from It's my life... thinks about the lengths mothers will go to help their children
• Nicole from Not Just a Working Mom related to feeling like a single mom sometimes
• Amy's from Occupation Mommy daughter's imaginary friend is named Sally
• Meghan from Meg's Idle Chatter has a mother's instinct
• Jessica from This Mom Rocks It talks about the art of parenting
• Linsey from Me Too You asks if twins need an imaginary friend?
• Heidi from Coast to Coast Mom is a workweek widow

New Jersey Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please go here to join in the discussion.

Past SV Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex by Kristen Chase
• Coco Chanel & Igr Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh
• See Mom Run by Beth Feldman
• Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done
• This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
• Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
• Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
• What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
  
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
  
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the SV Moms Group Book Club.

Physicians Also Need Reform

Like many, I have followed the on-going health care debates closely. I fall on the side of universal coverage for all. I cringe, every December, when my husband brings home the specifics of his company's health care coverage for the next year. Small families are discriminated against. As a family of three, we pay more for coverage than say a single parent with five children.

This year we had the option of paying the same amount for less coverage or maintaining 2009 coverage for a mere 30% increase. We opted for the same cost with less coverage and higher deductibles. We are praying no emergencies require us to meet that higher deductible.

The Second Trip of a Lifetime

It's hard to get my head around the fact that after planning for almost a year, my family and I are just weeks away from our second trip of a lifetime.  The first, of course, was when we traveled to China in 2001 to bring home our daughter.  Now, in just a matter of weeks, we'll be returning for the first time in nine years so we can visit PunditGirl's birth country with her (thank you airline miles!)

It feels like yesterday and it feels like it's been a lifetime since we stepped off the plane at National Airport, our lives changed by a baby who spent the first year of her life in an orphanage with about 100 other children and about eight caregivers. We've talked for many years, as our PunditBaby grew into a PunditGirl, about the amazing things we saw and experienced in January of 2001 when we brought our daughter home from Hunan Province. 

Now we're busy finishing up our final preparations -- getting our visas, buying a snazzy new polka-dot suitcase for her, and thinking about how much rice (her favorite food in the whole world) she'll be able to eat while we're there.

And I've promised myself, I am buying that Mao watch this time!