Too young to have a mother that old: late motherhood

Oy! That's all I have to say after reading this article by Meredith Resnick in the December issue of the Los Angeles Times.

Obviously, one of the things I worry most about as an older mother (actually, motherhood in your middle years is apparently called "late motherhood"--well THAT makes me feel good...) is how my twins will feel growing up with an older mom. I've already seen the signs of ageism in my kids, even when they were toddlers (really!). When they were around younger moms they interacted with them more and seemed to shun me (okay, I may be exaggerating a bit here, but that's how I felt...one COULD say that I'm super sensitive to this issue... :). My son, for sure, prefers the younger (and hotter looking) moms over me and he's only 3! But, then again, who can blame him?

The fact is that I'm not as able to do a hundred things at the same time like I used to. I've slowed down. Part of it is physical, but part of it is that after living in the "rat race" for 50 years, I'm just tired of the race. Most of the younger mothers I know who have toddlers/preschoolers start at 8a in the morning and take their kids from one event to another, nonstop, until naptime. Sighhhh...I'm just too tired to do all that running around. Plus I really don't want to move that fast anymore. I just want to enjoy life. And I want my kids to enjoy it, too. I want them to have the time to absorb their experiences, instead of jumping around from one experience to the next before they've even had time to "inhale." Why? Because I know that it's better for them. I've learned that the merry-go-round that is "life in these United States" just keeps going round and round and that if you don't get off you won't have time to experience...well...LIFE.

Still, that's MY perspective. What is the perspective of my kids? What will it be 5 or 10 years from now? Will they just see me as a slow, tired old lady, boring and not "with it?" Will they be angry at the fact that I don't know the slang or the latest current events of the young in this country? Will they be embarrassed when I pick them up from school or take them to their friends' houses?

I don't know what my children will feel about having older parents. My husband doesn't worry about it. But then he doesn't worry about a whole lot. I wish I could take a page from HIS "book of life." I'm hoping that my love will be the overriding factor in their consideration when their friends say things like; "Are those your grandparents?" or "Man! Your mom's old!" I guess I'll just have to wait and see. In the meantime, I'm going to be honest with them about why we had children so late in life and how much we both wanted and love them. I hope that will be enough.

And then, of course, there's the matter of whether I'll get to see them marry, be a grandmother to their children, etc. On the other hand, studies show that older moms may live longer than younger moms. So this may be a mute point.

I think part of the reason that my age worries me so much when it comes to my children is that we live in a youth-oriented society where being older isn't valued and respected like it should be. But maybe I can help change that view, beginning with my own children.

Do any other older moms worry about this? If so, how do you deal with it?

Original post on 50-something Moms Blog.