Holy Matrimony! It is a circus or a wedding?

Suddenly, many of my friends' kids are in their twenties and engaged. So I can't help but notice all the bridal magazines stacked higher than a five-layer wedding cake at the local newsstands. Everyone seems to be staging their own version of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

And I’m amazed at how much money, time, and effort it takes to host a wedding these days -- and how little goes into mapping a course for a real marriage. Over the years, my husband and I have watched newly engaged couples spend months selecting elaborate floral arrangements, inspecting menus from caterers, auditioning professional musicians, and outfitting enough bridal attendants to cast a chorus line on Broadway. (Even more astounding, we watched one couple do this a second time around.)

Weddings used to be sacraments. Today they’re production numbers rivaling the pompous ceremonies of British nobility -- if not the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus. (Remember Chuck and Di?) A few services I’ve witnessed were so ridiculously over-the-top that I was barely able to sit through them with a straight face.

A neighbor who hosted a summer wedding for his son last year shared a detailed survey from a bridal magazine, which broke down the costs of a typical American wedding. According to this survey, the “average” wedding runs about $25,000 for 200 guests and five bridal attendants. Ironically, the average cost for the chapel and clergy was -- at a mere $300 -- one of few bargains on the list.

“Weddings have become status symbols for the parents, a sign that they’ve given the best to their kids,” my friend said. “A marriage is worth celebrating, but things have gotten out of hand.”

Despite the trend toward three-ring-circus weddings, nearly half of all American marriages end in divorce.

As another mom put it, brides are “obsessed with color schemes and china patterns” yet remain clueless when it comes to basic home economics. Likewise, most bridegrooms don’t know how to use the expensive tools they’re given as shower gifts.

Sadly, we’re not giving young couples the tools they really need -- relationship guidance and basic life skills -- to construct a durable marriage. Faithful consumers that we are, we assume that endowing newlyweds with stuff from an upscale bridal registry will ensure a happy union. We throw them a huge party and hope for the best. Then we wring our hands because so many couples break up before their new washing machines break down.

Observing the sturdiest couples I know, I’ve come to believe that every successful marriage is built on a solid foundation of friendship, love, respect, and shared vision – not just the same mattress. As the old saying goes, love is blind but marriage restores its sight. When the honeymoon is over, the average couple will face tougher dilemmas than where to stash all the good china.

For better or for worse, there will be career upheaval and financial hassles ahead. Not to mention a kid or two. Who will work (or stay home) if they have children? Who will cook dinner? Do yard work? Scrub toilets? Organize the carpool? Whose relatives will squeeze around the table for Thanksgiving?

My best friend, always a wise woman, is advising her daughter to plan a modest reception and bank the extra cash for a home or a few rainy days. And to get prenuptial counseling. In the midst of a long recession, her daughter's challenge will be to weather life’s inevitable storms -- long after the bridal gardenias have wilted and the $1,500 florist bill has been paid.

Original post to 50-something Moms Blog.

Cindy La Ferle blogs about home, family, and the writing life at Cindy La Ferle's Home Office: www.laferle.com