Aging With Integrity

We made the decision to put my 90-year-old grandmother into a nursing home this month. It was one of the most difficult decisions we have ever made and has me thinking about aging more than ever. I am not obsessed with growing older, but there are times in my life when the inevitability of aging wears heavy on my mind. It isn't that the alternative is appealing either because I have no desire to relive youth, at least not without the wisdom I possess today, but lately I have been thinking about what it means to age gracefully.

I remember when my mother was the age I am today. I thought she was old. When my grandmother was my age—she was ancient; however, when I look at my peers they don't appear to be old to me. On the contrary, I think my friends are more active and in better mental and physical shape than they were years ago. We hold memberships to the health club, or at least have purchased Wii Fit. We buy whole foods, and take a multitude of vitamins and herbs researched to make our lives healthier. On the other hand, we do converse more about individual aches and pains than we did when we were young, though we speak equally of current events, politics, theology and education. We read books about how to keep our bodies and brains active instead of the latest John Grisham novel, but even that is not unusual.

My mother turns 70 this year. Her lifestyle is model for growing old gracefully and fully. At 70, she still teaches kindergarten at an intercity school that boasts a 98% minority/95% poverty rate. The only signs of aging I see in her are that she complains more about being “tired”—personally I feel she has earned that privilege. She walks on a regular basis, reads veraciously and remains active in her church. At times, she has more energy than most half her age. She just doesn’t seem old to me. Maybe she really isn’t. Perhaps age IS relative.

I am a better mother now than when I was younger. I know I am better wife than I was in my 30’s, and am convinced I am more conscious about my health than I was then. I don’t; however, obsess about the outward signs of aging as much as the internal ones like the inability to remember someone’s name I ought to recall or where I put my car keys.

Aging gracefully seems to have more to do with one’s mind-set than anything else. Perhaps what needs to be measured in aging is the significance we found in the now; those who are touched by how we live and the value we’ve added to the world. As Joan Baez so eloquently stated, “You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now.” That’s aging---gracefully, or perhaps with integrity.

Original 50 Something Moms Blog post. Marsha also blogs at Breathings of the Heart.