Can I at least get an understudy?

Divorce is horrible no matter how you slice it. Nobody wins and playing the role of mom and dad night after night makes me understand why it is that every cop is required to work with a partner. 

It has been close to five years since my ex and I parted ways and there are so many times where I wish more than anything that when my kid is in the midst of yet another meltdown, someone, anyone, would suddenly walk in my front door and tell me: 

SOMEONE:  I'll deal with this.  You just go do what you need to do. 

Now, of course it would be great if this "someone" was good looking, had a job and a profoundly senile mother, but honestly, I would just settle for good with kids....okay.... girls..... named Phoebe.... who happen to live in my house.

Obviously, this option is not available to me at the moment and therefore all I’m left with is Plan B which is to order a time out… for me. Yes, me.   Don’t be surprised if you drop by my home one day and find me standing in front of an open freezer, taking deep breaths and chanting:

JESSICA:  Ice cream. I just need some ice cream.

Continue reading on our sister site, Los Angeles Moms Blog.