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July 15, 2009

iopies, oscopies and scans, Oh my!

Healthcare And you can add root canals to that list, while you are at it.

"It sucks getting old." That would be a direct quote from my 81-year-young dad.

Turning 50 has its share of wonderful things, but body maintenance is not one of them. These days when I make a doctor's appointment I do it with the full knowledge that there will be some sort of follow-up unpleasantry on the horizon.

I suppose we have reached this age in a time when medicine has become diagnostically advanced to the point where a 50-year-old body can not possibly fly under the radar. 'Oh, so sorry, your mammo/sono requires a follow-up biopsy.' 'Oh lucky you, it is benign but so sorry again, this sucker leads us to believe you need to watched closer, let's do an MRI.' 

Yeh, how do you think that one is gonna go for ya?

My healthcare has become like the kids book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. For those who have never read it (and you should because it is fabulous) the mouse wants milk after the cookie and then the bathroom after the milk, and so on. It is freakishly similar to the mammo/sono/MRI dance.  

Here is another great joy of entering the next decade of life; the colonoscopy. At the annual physical you get the cute comment like, "Oh, you are turning 50? Lucky you, I have a present for you". And then they hand you a scrip for your colonoscopy. Great, thanks, just what I want for my 50th. No jewelry, or a trip, or some cool new techno gadget. What I really want is a camera up my butt. (do they use a flash?)

You may say that never has a generation been luckier than ours. 50 is the new 40 because of ground-breaking medical advances. (or because some 50-year-old Peter Pan coined the phrase) We have access to diagnostics that save lives which were lost in generations past. Medications now exist that keep our blood pressure and cholesterol down and our erections up. Damn, we are lucky!

Perhaps, but somehow I did not expect to be talking doctors and ailments so soon. I suppose with the freedom of almost grown kids and more free time this is a small price to pay. And hey, it could be worse. The blood pressure and the cholesterol could be up and the...

Well, you know what I mean.

Original 50-something Mom Blog post. Amy also blogs at i could cry but i dont have time and leaving the zip code