On Being the Dishwasher

My Facebook update on the day my husband was set to return from his camping trip last week read:

Rob is on the way home. Which is good because the dishwasher needs a little tlc.

To which an old work friend responded:

What about you?!?! You might need a little tlc too.

And my reply?

I am the dishwasher.

Our dishwasher cycled its last load in early April of 2008. After a six week wait for a replacement, the new one sat in a large carton in our living room for another two weeks until my husband and younger step-daughter removed the old one and worked it into place one Saturday afternoon. And then summer arrived. The yard, the siding, a long trench leading from the street to our front door begged to be filled with cement and a half-dozen other projects that can only be accomplished during the fleeting warm weather months we have.

Family upset, issues and tragedy took up a good chunk of time and then it was winter. By then whenever the lack of dishwasher came up, I was content to let it slide. Washing by hand hadn't proved all that onerous and my husband has so many reno projects indoors too as we continue in our quest to make the house salable, that the dishwasher kept falling to the bottom of the list.

But last week, as I cooked and washed dishes for two additional adults, my visiting mother and aunt, the "dishwasher" sputtered and finally gave up.  

Fourteen months is, apparently, maximum dishwashing capacity for me. I had a good run. I managed at times to even find it a wonderful way to meditate and brainstorm, but the scaly dry skin and thumbs that split when the temps drooped or plummeted took their toll. By the time Mom and Auntie's visit was nearing an end, I was beginning to feel like an old farm-wife who had barely finished preparing, serving and clearing one meal before the next was upon her.

I felt new admiration for my grandmothers and great aunts who always seemed to be serving or cleaning up. I can hardly recall a visit to the farm without a meal at some point. Even my dear friend, Cissy, a farmer's wife too, couldn't let a visit go by without snacks and at least one full meal. I used to watch her - this was back in my very single girl days - and think "I can never be that kind of wife". It just seemed so 60's sitcom mom.

People who knew of our dishwasher situation would jump to conclusions at first. What kind of a husband did I have? Who would expect me to do dishes by hand, 3x or more a day, while a brand new washer sat idle with tape still on it in a hole in under the counter top?

But it wasn't Rob's idea at all. There were many times when he offered to put something else on the back burner for a day or two to finish up the dishwasher installation. They were things that needed doing more though. Like the dollhouse he built for our youngest for Christmas. The one he handcrafted with doors with tiny doorknobs and framed windows painted in her favorite colors. The one he carried in from the garage at 2AM on Christmas having just completed it. Or there was the moving of grown daughters from one rented house to another which ate up a few weekends. There was the 28 hour straight through drive to my folks when my dad was dying because he wouldn't send me all alone on a plane with a six year old and follow us down on the weekend. The near week he took off - twice - when I was sick. The time that was "lost" when we traveled through the mountains for a wedding and then drove another six hours to visit my mother-in-law because she missed us and needed help with a few things. There was the multitude of handyman projects too at my parent's house, his mother's, the older girls' homes and vehicles.

And then there is that whole pesky "Rob has a day job" thing. But there were weekends where we had the older girls come out for family dinners or we took our youngest daughter on an outing, and there were nights when I simply told Rob that he needed a night off. And sometimes, he even listened, and I can't recall a single supper when he hasn't thanked me and offered to help clear and clean.

But when he got home from camping, the dishwasher was at the top of the list. Both our lists.

This is an original 50 Something Moms original post by Ann Bibby of anniegirl1138.