River of Reinvention

Lately I've spend a lot of time thinking about change, restoration, and reinvention. Celebrating the sale of my husband's architecture firm last year, the two of us decided to buy a home in western Michigan for our future retirement. This house needs some work -- but we're empty nesters with more free time, and we've had a lot of practice with previous home improvement projects.

Designed by Frank Lloyd Wright in 1957 -- just a few years after I was born -- our new/old house (like me) is showing its age. But we want to preserve its original design and character as much as possible. And so, nearly every week, my husband and I head west on the highway, then roll up our sleeves and go to work on the place. We patch roof leaks, restore old gardens, clean carpets and cupboards, scrub rust stains from vintage bathtubs.... It's exhausting but satisfying work.

There's a wonderful view of the St. Joseph River from the house, too, and I like to admire it when I take breaks from my chores. Watching the parade of boats on their pleasure trips last week, I thought about how my middle-aged friends and I are all in some phase of transition.

Many are middle-aged journalists or automotive workers who've recently lost jobs or are facing major career detours. Some of us have just gotten used to the freedom of the empty nest, yet suddenly find ourselves caring for our elderly parents. Earlier this month, for instance, my husband spent an entire Saturday in the local emergency room with his dad, who isn't adjusting to life in a nursing home. Two days later, I had to drive to the emergency room with my own mother, whose leg was mysteriously bruised and swollen.

Then again, a few of us are convinced that the river of change will lead us to new and exciting adventures; others aren't quite sure where to steer next in a troubled economy.

But this much I know for certain: It's hard to slow the current when our culture keeps urging us on to the next big thing; when we're valued more for what we produce than for who we are.

In the meantime, I've discovered that renovating an old house is a lot easier than reinventing my career midstream. The fields of journalism and publishing are changing rapidly, and I'm struggling to find where I can use my skills.  But as the poet Rilke advised, sometimes we need to pull back and "live the questions." And so, taking my cue from the river, I'm letting myself drift a little while.

Cindy La Ferle is author of Writing Home, an essay collection on home and family topics. She blogs weekly at Cindy La Ferle's Home Office.