50-something Moms Blog

goodbye 50

It's kind of awkward that I am saying goodbye to 50-Something Moms Blog before I even turn 50, but I am. Much to the surprise of many of its 800+ (past and present) writers, The Silicon Valley Moms Group founders announced that all of its blogs, including 50-Something Moms Blog would be ending at the end of this month. The announcement did come as a  huge shock to many as was evident by the email responses of many of the SV Moms Group writers but reading the email that we all received earlier this month, it was clear that this was a very emotional, very difficult and painful decision. Of course in the beginning, some of us did not accept this decision too graciously. Change, especially sudden change is hard. It's scary. It's unnerving as we wonder what else is going to happen now that this has happened? It is the rare person who openly embraces changes like this. I am definitely not one of those people and I was clearly in the majority of the writers and bloggers of SV Moms Group who struggled with the shock, surprise and disappointment of the news.

Sharing her first time

When she was just six years old, she came to me and solemnly announced her intention to run for President of the United States. When I asked her when so I would be certain to vote for her, she told me that she would run when she was 20. It was then I had to explain the constitutional law on the minimum age for the office of President. After careful consideration that took all of twenty seconds, she declared that she would run for President when she was 40 years old in 2032. So there it was decided. 

When she was just seven years old, she secretly wrote to the current President as well as the Democratic and Republican Presidential candidates for the upcoming election asking them for advice on not only how to achieve her goal but whether or not she should run for office using her given name. She received an answer from only President Clinton who agreed that her resume qualified her to aspire to the office. He advised her to continue to serve her community and do well in her studies and also suggested that "Zoë" would be the perfect first name for a candidate like her running for office.

The Work of 'til Death Do Us Part

In the news this week it was announced that after 40 years of marriage, Al and Tipper Gore were separating. After the round of snorty, churlish jokes about who will get custody of the Internet, people began to comment on the sadness of it all. After 40 years it would seem that a couple would have a lock on a successful marriage, a marriage that withstands the tests of time, a marriage that will last 'til death do us depart. But it seems that this is not the case. In the case of the Gores, it seems that it wasn't a sordid affair or other ilk like that. No, they simply, in their own words, 'grew apart after 40 years together".Over time they had carved out separate lives.

So with the end of what always seemed to be an enduring love story where do we all begin to understand this. It doesn't just make us sad but it makes us a little scared.

A Mother's Day Retrospective

For Mother's Day this year I celebrated in a much different way than I have celebrated my own Mother's Days past. I slept. I slept pretty much the day away.  Now don't judge me. I worked the twelve hour night shift the night before. I earned that day's sleep taking care of other people's babies in the NICU through the night. Normally I don't sign on to work Mother's Day Eve or Mother's Day because I want to be home with my own family but this year I signed on so that perhaps one of my "brand new mommy" co-workers could enjoy her own first Mother's Day cuddling and kissing her own sweet baby. Colleagues of mine had stepped up for me in years past so I am just paying it forward. Besides, I knew that some of my babies would not be around that day as one would be swimming with dolphins in celebration of her own Mother's Day and another would be nanny for a day for her dolphin-swimming big sister and another would be at work making delicious macchiatos and frappuccinos for other people's mothers...I do hope that people tipped her!

No, my Mother's Day was a perfect day for me. I slept peacefully grateful for the blustery, wet day because it is the perfect kind of weather to sleep in when one works the night shift. I lounged around the house in my favorite sweats the rest of the day with total command of the remote and I enjoyed a delicious brunch, er, dinner of grilled rib-eye steak with bleu cheese crumbles and tossed baby green salad at lovely table decorated with Mother's Day bouquets and cards from my circus act. I also wore, for the first time, my Mother's ring. No, not a mother's ring. I wore the ring that once belonged to my Mother. For the first Mother's Day in a very long time my own Mother was a part of the day for me as she gave me her birthstone ring that she received for her 30th birthday.

He's Not a Pound Puppy

I remember when I told my father for the first time that we were pursuing adopting the baby boy who was to be our son.

"Why?", he wondered, "He's not a puppy you pick out at the pound."

Of course he isn't, I reassured my father. Don't judge him too harshly. That is the way he is about every decision my sisters and I have made as adults. Whether it be the schools we chose to attend, the career paths we set out upon, the people we have fallen in love with and, for me, the five children that I have had, my dear old Dad always wants to make sure that his girls know what they are getting themselves into with the choices that they make. Still I couldn't help it eight years ago to be taken aback a wee bit by the question Dad raised just as much as I am taken aback by acquaintances, friends and even total strangers that might draw the similar conclusions when they question our hearts and motivation for adopting our son. Perhaps I should offer a wee bit of grace given the overall blurry view people in general have on adoption and the way that it has been played out of late in the media. But then again, why should I?

I Get You, Jillian Michaels

I make no secret of the fact that I am a fan of Jillian Michaels. Her bad-ass self shouting that she wants me to feel like I am going to die on her 30-Day Shred dvd is just the motivation that I need to get through that intense, sweaty workout. Partnered with Bob Harper on the Biggest Loser, she drives home the point that there is no one easy way to lose weight and that one has to work hard to get the results they seek. So it would go without saying that I was excited to see her on the cover of the latest issue of Women's Health and dove right into her interview there.

There has been much buzz on the interwebs and twitterverse about that interview especially her statement to not have children. Yet again, it seems a celebrity puts it out there that having babies will ruin their bodies. Yet again we moms are upset over such selfish statements.

Confessions of the Non-Hovering Mom

I like to think of myself as the kind of mom who does not hover over my children. Flying low overhead in my mommy-copter ready to swoop in and fix everything is just not my style of parenting.  I have, I do and I will allow them to make mistakes. How else can they learn and grow if they aren't allowed to stumble or mess up with a parental safety net just below them, I rationalize? Over the years it has worked most of the time. With one child now a young adult and mother and the next one ready at the edge of the nest to fly off to college, I feel pretty confident that this works...at least it works for my family...well, okay, it worked for my first and second circus clown.

Yeah, okay, I got lucky.

I imagine that my 3rd and 4th circus clowns will do just fine too as they continue to thrive and excel without my flying overhead. But my youngest? Well, with my youngest everything is different.

Learning to Share, Granny-Style

I am the grandmother, Mi-Ma, to the most amazing, delightful twenty-two month old girl-child ever. While it is also true that I am very busy juggling the responsibilities of raising the rest of my brood of four more kids, I am forever changed by the love affair I have with this girl-child who just so happens to be a carbon copy of her Mi-Ma when she was a toddler. The day her mama came to me and told me that even though she wasn't quite done with her college education and training for her desired career, she was pregnant and alone, changed my world, er, our world forever. It was an amazing adventure we shared together which brought us closer than any other adventure in her first twenty-one years of life. We both developed a new appreciation and admiration for one another and we both fell in love with that beautiful, red-headed baby girl the day that she was born and I cut the cord that tied her to her mama. Beholding my own five children on the days that each of them was born was truly extraordinary and I could never imagine anything else more breath-taking until the day I watched Hazel take her first amazing breath and held her in my arms for the first time...after her mama held her first.

Fast-forward nearly two years later and I find myself turning a corner in my role as a grandmother, as Hazel's Mi-Ma. Her mama met a man and fell in love. He fell in love with her too and even better, he is in love with Hazel. Like everyone else in Hazel's world, he believes that she is the most extra-ordinary toddler ever. His love is so strong for Hazel and her mama that he proposed to my daughter and now they are beginning a new adventure together that is wedding planning. We couldn't be more happy and excited for all three of them. This guy fits right into our family circus act and we have come to realize that our girls fit right into his own family too. Can it be possible that other people see Hazel for the amazing grandbaby that she is? She is, and they do. Our future son-in-law's parents adore our daughter and are almost as enchanted with our grandbaby as we are. What does this mean? This means that suddenly we must share. Apparently we are now sharing face time and affection with our grand daughter.

Middle-aged? Qui, moi?

I turned 48 a couple of weeks ago. Unlike a number of people whom I know, I proudly announce that. What's the big deal, I wonder? I turned 48 and to celebrate I ran my very first half marathon race in 2 hours 38 minutes 13 seconds. Not bad, I think. Not bad at all considering that I had only started running just this last July. Not bad at all. I feel great. No, not for my age. I just feel great, period. Menopause is looming just around the corner according to my calendar and my gynecologist. I have a bone density scan to look forward to in a bout a year. Yet, I feel great and I feel strong. Especially because I just ran my first half marathon race.

So while still reveling in the after-glow of I-ran-a-half-marathon-I'm-amazing, I found myself in an argument, er,  discussion with a oh-so hip and smart 23 year old professional. What it was over is neither here nor there. Let's just say that I won the argument, er, discussion. Of course I did. I was right. I was on the debate team in high school and college. I have done more than my fair share of debating and arguing having three teenagers living here under the Big Top. Plus, didn't I say that I was right? I did. But not to be out done, the 23 year old shrugged it off and said to no one listening, "Great! I pissed off a middle-aged mother!"

What? Middle-aged? Who? Me?

Welcome to my World

Don't be jealous but I am married to the best husband and father in the world! Sure, some might disagree but I have to say that I have truly hit the jackpot when it comes to this man of mine. Over the last twenty-seven years of marriage, he has stepped up and risen to the occasion of spousal and parental greatness in my eyes. He has never shied away from a diaper change with any of our five children or our grandchild. He willingly steps in and shares with me this juggling act of orthodontist visits, shuttling one kid to tae kwon do en route to picking up another from after school tutoring to get home just in time to get a call from the other kid who has managed to lock her keys in her car...again...and so on and so on because that is what life raising five children at all ages and stages is about. He appreciates that, yes, doing the dishes can be foreplay...which might explain why my kitchen is so clean.

Yup! I'm the lucky one!