50-something Moms Blog

You Say Goodbye and I Say Hello. Hello. Hello?

I had just returned from an amazing vacation cruise to Alaska with my 80-something mom when I received some very disappointing e-mail news which you probably have read by now: The Silicon Valley Moms web sites are ending. 

I felt the floor drop by about two feet. The news caused me to start channeling Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' five stages of grief, memorized eons ago in nursing school:

Stage one: Denial. I don't think I read the e-mail correctly. Surely they are not really ending the websites? Read the e-mail again. That can't be right. Read it one more time. 

Stage two: Anger. What! They were still recruiting writers for 50-Something Moms last month! I just started blogging for these guys in April and now its over? I have spent HOURS learning to use their blog format, checking their guidelines, writing and rewriting my submissions, finding a photo source I like etc. and they are ending it? That is just rude.

Stage three: Bargaining. Please let them announce that they are starting something else and that they will still want me to be part of it. I promise I will get my posts done early in the month. I promise I will submit more than my required number of posts to make up for the blogger-slackers. Please let it go on. Please do not let it be ending. Please.

Circadian Rhythms

I have worked 12 hour night shifts as an RN for the last four years. It was not always a straight night shift schedule but rather a combination of days and nights, switching every three months, from days to nights, then back to days.   

I like working nights, enjoying quiet moments with my infant patients and pleasant chats with my co-workers. However, night shift work can play havoc with your sleep cycle. I found the best way to deal with night shift was to go to sleep when I returned home and sleep until I was ready to get up. I would catch naps whenever I felt slightly sleepy. When on night shift, I took a lot of naps, before work and on my days off. Oh yeah, and I drank lots of caffeine whenever I needed to be awake.

Letting Go of Toys and Memories

My sister and I have yard sales together, once or twice a year, and always at her house. I was loading my granddaughter's Fisher-Price toy kitchen into my SUV and my husband objected. "You aren't going to sell Allison's kitchen are you?"

Yes, I was. Our granddaughter Allison doesn't visit us anymore (see Babies and More Babies, May 17, 2010) and if she did, Allison is now nine and not going to be too interested in a little girl's toddler-size toy.

Hanging on to my granddaughter's baby things seems to make me miss her more. I believe her mother may let us see Allison again in the future, but until then, I want to think about the situation as little as possible. I do not want to daily see Allison's things to remind me that she is gone. Also Allison is growing up and in my mind, I have to let her grow up. My husband, on the other hand, takes comfort in seeing Allison's toys and remembering her many visits to our house. We each deal with the loss of Allison's presence in our lives in our own way.

I took the play kitchen to the yard sale.

Weathering Weddings

It is now June, the month of weddings. I was talking with a friend last month and she remembered that I was going to a wedding in Calistoga. She said something like, "Are you looking forward to the wedding?"

I replied "No, I do not really like weddings."

My friend found this hard to believe. I stated that I find weddings redundant--the traditional ceremony elements--as well as the reception. Having to attend several weddings every year, many of people I hardly know, I have grown weary of them. I especially dislike the wait between the traditional events, as the couples complete the series of professional photography shoots.

Babies and More Babies

I recently mentioned to my brother-in-law that I was going to see Babies (the movie). Tom's response was: "Don't you get enough of babies at work?"

Ah-no.

I see babies everyday at work as an RN in a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). I suppose there are days when I get enough of babies--babies crying, babies with poop-ie diapers, babies wanting to eat when they should be sleeping and babies sleeping when they should be eating--12-hour days with babies can be enough.

Or not.

There are times when I would rather hold and rock a baby, or watch a newborn's facial expressions than take a coffee break. Like most women my age, and all of my co-workers, I like babies.

When I was a young, divorced Mom, working as a waitress and going to nursing school, I had had enough of babies. Life was not easy and having a baby did not make it easier. I decided I would not be having any more babies.

There were other reasons. I worried about my carbon footprint before it was called a carbon footprint. I was afraid my second marriage would fall apart like my first and I would again be a struggling, single Mom. I was happy with my one little boy, whom I had fought legal battles to keep. One baby was enough, thank you very much.

Road Trip

My thirty-something son Scott has been out of work so therefore he is fair game for things his mom wants him to do. Recently I needed (wanted) to go to Monterey for a nursing conference and could not find a co-worker who wanted to go. Combining business and pleasure, I asked Scott if he would like to visit Monterey while I went to the conference. Amazingly he agreed to go with me.

I say amazingly because usually Scott turns me down. He turns down invitations to movies and dinners out. He has turned down cruises, trips to Disneyland and even a proposed trip to Disney World. The kid does not like to travel, or maybe he does not like to travel with his mother. Go figure.

So feeling that he probably would back out a the last minute I didn't spend too much money booking a motel. I did plan to make the trip fun and adventuresome if he did follow through and actually go along. I hoped we could reconnect and talk about the direction his life is currently going and not going.

Under the Turlock Sun

My friend and co-worker, 50-something Janelle, did a 360 degree turnaround in her life last year. She purchased a foreclosure property--a farm to be exact. From living in the suburbs as an empty-nester single mom knowing little about farming, Janelle set out to fulfill a life-long dream of owning a farm. 

Janelle spent the first year on her farm cleaning up what had been a former rental property. She put up fences, made the house nicely livable and repaired what was broken. She purchased chickens, turkeys, sheep, fainting goats and a donkey. The amount of work she has done in just one year building her dream farm is staggering. I suggested she write a blog about her farm, a sort of Under the Tuscan Sun adventure journal, but Janelle is "just too busy for blogging." 

Recently Janelle updated me on her progress with the farm. She has planted fruit trees and soon will add large quantities of assorted vegetables. Forty-five more chickens and a few more turkeys will be arriving this week as her chicken coops are being completed. Next year she plans to sell organic produce and the eggs from her cage-free chickens as part of a farm co-operative venture. 

What Were They Thinking?

 One of my alma maters has been in the news this week, California State University, Stanislaus (CSUS). Located in Turlock and known to its students as Turkey Tech, the university is having its fiftieth anniversary this year. To celebrate the big event, the CSUS Foundation, a non-profit organization that routinely solicits former students like myself for money, selected former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as its featured guest for the black-tie gala. Tickets have sold out, at the price of $500 per person.

Palin's controversial scheduled appearance has been in the local news for a few weeks and made the national news on April 14 because some dumpster-diving students obtained what appear to be shredded contractual requirements for the Palin engagement. All celebrities have contracted requirements for accommodations and the like, so the contents of the discovered document are not exactly earth-shattering. 

The larger issue is whether the Foundation was correct to invite a politically polarizing figure like Palin to mark the fiftieth anniversary of an institution which serves the entire community. The supposedly apolitical Foundation, which is housed on the CSUS campus and utilizes CSUS resources, has just entered The Gray Zone.

Travels with My Mother

With the changing of the seasons it is time for me to plan an annual vacation with my mother. She is 88 years old and likes to cruise--on ocean liners, that is. We have taken a cruise together each of the last three years. It is my way of spending extended time with her as we do not see each other as often as we might.

Now Mom only wants to go on a cruise. She does not want to go somewhere that involves too much walking. Her aging knees make it hard for her to keep up with groups, or to walk an extended distance. She is no couch potato however. She wants to be at every cruise event on board ship and on a shore excursion in every port.

This year we are planning a trip to Alaska. Both of us have been on an Alaskan cruise before. I look forward to watching the beautiful scenery as we sail past. Mom looks forward to going to the Captain’s cocktail party and the evening shows. She complains that we might not find shore excursions that will be new to us. I tell her I will see if there is a dog sled ride we can go on. Traveling with my mother always gives me a new perspective on just about everything.

Lance Armstrong and me

About this time last year Lance Armstrong(the famous cyclist and cancer survivor) was on my street riding his bicycle. He perhaps will be back again this year as the Amgen Tour of California conducts day long cycle races across the state. Our house is on the route that the cyclists take through our Central Valley town.

This bicycle race is a big deal for the areas where the cyclists begin and end each race. The events generate significant amounts of business for lodging, restaurants and general local economies. Participants, support people, fans and the media arrive, spend their dollars and then leave. In between coming and going, they generate a huge amount of excitement.

Last year, not knowing what to expect from this first race in our town, we took the day off. Our darling neighborhood street was closed off in the late afternoon a few hours before the cyclists were expected. Police on motorcycles, volunteers and cyclists who just wanted a chance to race through the area unencumbered by the usual local traffic were the only ones on the road.